Nothing to say this morning

What do you do on mornings when you have nothing to say?

"Write anyway."

Yeah, but...

Sure I could write a "morning page." (See The Artist's Way for more information.) But BLOG it? Not so sure.

I could tell you that I got up and dressed and walked Philip to the bus, then did a power-walk that made my legs feel GOOOD....

And I could tell you that I'm now sitting on the back deck listening to a bright-red cardinal sing his heart out as he seeks a mate, while the chirping wrens feed on the fresh seed I just put out, and while the cats watch, waiting for their chance (that I won't allow them to have).

I could tell you that there's nothing quite like the morning light as it comes over the hill and illuminates the large tulip poplar before me, and how the leaves respond to the light with that spring green color I didn't know existed in nature before moving here, and how it almost vibrates against the absolutely clear blue sky behind.

This is my morning today.

Work with Passion

As I mentioned in my opening blog post, I’m starting out this exploration with the support of Nancy Anderson’s Work with Passion: How to do what you love for a living. She initially published this work in 1984. And while not nearly as well known as other such books that subsequently came out, I have always liked hers the best. And over the next several posts, you’ll see why.

I first picked up Work with Passion as I was approaching 30. (For those of you astrology-followers: during my “Saturn Return” -- oh... THAT time of life...)

For me it was that time in life when it’s really hit that school life is behind me, including those early job experiments in retail, administration and temping. It was time to get serious about moving into a CAREER.

I was not one of those people who knew their career goals from birth -- or even upon college graduation. I was -- and remain -- a generalist. With interests in a broad range of topics. How on earth would I CHOOSE?

Back then, this book, with the support of a small group of similarly aged young women asking similar questions, provided a structure for me to explore and establish what would become my career path for the next 20 years.

So it was with some sheepishness that I brought the revised version to the cashier 20 years later (a cashier I might add, who was probably 20 years younger). I mean, c’mon. Shouldn’t I know by NOW what I want to be when I grow up? Hadn’t I figured that out -- at least by my actions -- these last two decades?

I only know that since being laid off, and maybe even earlier, I have had a sense that there is something else out there for me. That it’s time for me to reconnect with what I’m most passionate about. And you know, passions do change-- or at least mature-- along with us. So it really is okay that I’m 50 and picking up this book again, that I’m going to ask myself: just what is it today that makes me feel alive, that moves through my body when (as Anderson describes passion) I care deeply about something, that shows up when I want to do my best and want others to do their best? These things HAVE changed since I was 29. And some that haven’t changed have been sleeping, and long to be awakened.

Please... join with me in the query: When do you feel this sense of passion? When does it show up? How does it make you feel? What do you DO with it?

What's Next?

I spent my 50th birthday at Esalen, near Big Sur, California. I walked, I read, I ate, I soaked, I wrote. And I came away telling the Universe that this would be the year I would listen for what's next in my life.

Six weeks later, I was laid off from my job. Message from the Universe #1.

Yes, I know. There's an economic crisis going on. People are getting laid off all over the country. So this is some message, just for ME? Hey. I choose to see it that way. If it helps me design what's next for me, so be it.

And this blog? I'm also designing it to help me figure out what's next.

Another six weeks have gone by. I spent the first two "on vacation." Reading, eating, sleeping. Then I got bored. I looked for things to do around the house. I had the car's emissions tested and approved. I finished and sent in the taxes. I took in dry cleaning that's been hanging around the house for weeks. I was still bored.

I started updating my various "professional" things. My resume. My bio. My LinkedIn profile. I signed up for the job listings in my field. I signed up for unemployment. But still couldn't quite get into gear, professionally.

I signed up for an art class. I got out my paints, my brushes, my paper and canvas. I started walking and riding my bike in the mornings. I bought and planted perennials and herbs and vegetables. I pulled weeds and ivy. I read, I ate, I slept.

Somewhere in there, I had dinner with a colleague-- another woman exploring what's next. (Message #2: Find a buddy.) We ended up at the bookstore. She bought Nick Lore's Pathfinder. I bought the new edition of What Color is Your Parachute, and also a revised edition of a book I'd used 20 years ago: Work with Passion.

I brought them home. I forgot about them.

Until yesterday.

I opened up the second one. I started journaling along with it.

And then I thought, let's blog about this.

Why?!

1. I need a structure, a commitment, a goal. If I commit, if I promise to you that I will write here at least a few times a week, I will be in action and I will make progress. One inspiration was this woman's A Drawing A Day. It's pretty ballsy to commit publicly to making and posting a drawing every day.

2. One of the things I'm passionate about is writing. Blogging is writing. So consider it a regular practice. Inspiration here? The Artist's Way Morning Pages. Not that I'll use this blog for morning pages, but for the practice of writing every single day.

3. I figure: I'm not the only one struggling. I'm 50, I'm unemployed after a strong career of two decades, and I'm wondering what's next. I bet somebody else out there is similarly struggling. Maybe we can help each other.

So... let's get started. What's Next? Work with Passion by Nancy Anderson.