Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Six weeks later - Admissions and Gratitude

So... it hasn't been so easy to maintain this blog. I'd like to use the excuse of a wonderful 10-day vacation with my sisters since my last post, or the fact that I actually do have a small consulting gig, but that still leaves too many days with no excuse whatsoever.

I'll admit it: I'm struggling. And it's not easy to be public about it. Cuz you know, I have this perception of my public self that is a certain way-- together, focused, energetic, passionate-- and perhaps most of all: CAPABLE. And most of you who know me have bought into this perception-- in one way or another, through your own lenses.

Well, I've been anything but those things these last several weeks. It makes me wonder: what is TRUE? Who am I REALLY? But starting down THAT path isn't good either.

Yet it is a challenge for me lately to DO what I KNOW is healthy and good for me. And I hate to admit that.

One thing I know to do and CAN do right this minute is The Gratitude List.

I am grateful for the friends and even strangers who contribute so much to me.

Krissi-- a friend of a friend-- posts a query on Facebook, and I am reminded of gratitude lists.

Norma is a genealogy "pen pal" I've never met, and she writes me funny, irreverant email messages that make me laugh and smile. I got one this morning. This made me laugh most (go figure):

The dryer has been screaming my name and I better get busy. I have to do everything myself since the new maid ran off with the handy man. I just don't have any luck with the help. 

My lovely sister, The Queen, gave me a pair of gold sandals, and better yet: a lovely afternoon hanging out at the pool.

Diane is a recently refound childhood friend who posts short witty one-liners to Facebook that make me wonder what's up in her life (distracting me from my own) and inspires me to write.

Tori, dearest Tori, has the cahunas to share with her friends some of the TOUGHEST of life's issues. Much tougher than my own. I worship and adore her.

Dave and Renate and Edward and Micki paint and paint some more and share what they're painting-- some DAILY-- and continue to remind me that I LOVE this form of artistic expression. Gavin encourages me in my own painting, telling me what's great about it and where I can strengthen it.

A single question from dear Courtney reminds me of my promises to myself.

Philip's patience (and even his impatience) reminds me of his love for and commitment to me.

Ah.... that's better. I can get up now and go about the work of the day.

What's on your gratitude list?